


Kismesissitude I Hardly Knew Ye

by SlaveToMyKeyboard



Series: Alternia Sans Sgrub [3]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: A variety of slurs, Basically Eridan and Vriska bickering, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Canon-typical swearing, Highbloods being assholes, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-22
Updated: 2016-01-22
Packaged: 2018-05-15 13:45:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5787451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlaveToMyKeyboard/pseuds/SlaveToMyKeyboard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Vriska invites the highbloods over for a chat, but it ends before it begins with her and Eridan getting into a fight over which one of them is the biggest bitch.</p><p>Part of a much larger fic, but I felt like I needed to post this seperately. If you want more context, then you can read the fic it's from <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/5672290/chapters/13067188">here.</a></p><p>Also the title is super random, but I couldn't think of a better one haha.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kismesissitude I Hardly Knew Ye

“Right, that’s it, we’re starting without the juggalo because he is taking way to fucking long to get here and probably wouldn’t be much help anyway.” Vriska jumps out of her chair, taking a few steps to the side so that she can look at both of you. “The reason I decided to have this little meeting, is to discuss the fact that our precious Heiress is planning to overthrow the current Empress.”

“How did you come across this information?” Equius asks, standing up and folding his arms.

Vriska doesn’t even flinch, “I snuck into the palace a few days ago and read Captor’s mind in his sleep.” She laughs slightly, “The idiot didn’t even realise, probably thought it was a nasty little nightmare that his mutant brain cooked up for him.”

Equius frowns, looking at you as if you’re expected to challenge her on something.

You just shrug, “Wwhat Eq? I kneww about all a this like fivve swweeps ago remember? You just nevver wwanted to believve me.”

“Oh it’s always poor you, isn’t it?” Vriska snaps, “No-one listens to me, I’m so lonely, my Moirail actually had a life outside of my endless list of problems. Well boo-fucking-hoo. Nobody gives a shit okay?”

You’re on your feet now, staring her down, “An’ they givve a shit about you? At least I bother tryin’ to be nice, you just assume that it’s your Gods givven fuckin’ right to be as mean as you like and nevver get a bad wword in return, wwell newws flash swweetheart; all it’s done is made evveryone realise just howw much they hate you.”

She scoffs, “You’re a fucking _hypocrite_ you know that Ampora? At least I acknowledge my flaws; yes, I’m a huge bitch, well done figuring that one out on your own you water-logged moron, but all you do is whine about this and cry about that like a huge fucking _pansy_ , until some poor fool takes pity on you and pays you the tiniest bit of attention, then you’re back to treating everyone like _dirt_.”

“At least I nevver fuckin’ _paralyzed_ anyone, or _blinded_ my so-called ‘best friend’, or _killed_ someone by mind controllin’ their Matesprit. Too bad you let us in on that little secret ‘cause you’d need your cheatin’ mind games just to havve any friends noww.”

“Who said I _wanted_ friends?” She throws her hands out to the side, “I only talk to any of you assholes so I can mess with you, I’m not clamouring for attention like _some people_ , and I don’t lie about my intentions.”

“Oh yeah, ‘cause that ditsy flirty bullshit you pull is _totally_ howw you really behavve, bet Nitram had such a shock wwhen he found out that you wwere just some bitter, twwisted sea-hag.”

“Right, and you’re really a great admiral like to claim to be aren’t you?”

Equius huffs, “Serket, please, the reason you called us here was not to argue over the negative aspects of your respective personalities.”

“Don’t act like you’re any different Eq, you claim to love the Haemospectrum so much that you might as wwell be fuckin’ Matesprits wwith it, and yet the only quadrants you’vve evver filled are wwith twwo Lowwbloods, not to mention the fact that I havve the most noble blood on the fuckin’ planet ‘sides Fef and you treat me as if I’m no better than _her_.” You throw a finger in Vriska’s direction, but don’t give her the privelage of your glare, “Good job stickin’ to your principles there, at least I have a legitimate reason to despise all a you fuckin’ land-dwwellers.”

“Despise _all_ of us you say?” Vriska raises an eyebrow at you, hands on her hips, “Well then what about ‘assblood’ Vantas hmm? I remember Terezi telling me that you practically _begged_ her to let you visit him on his wriggling day, it must have been such a chore to spend time with all of those _disgusting_ low-blooded land-dwellers, I hope he knows how lucky he was for you to go against _your_ principles for him.”

“Kar is different!” You blurt out before you can stop yourself.

“Oh that’s right I forgot, the little mudblood _slut_ was your Moirail for a day and now you’re his personal lapbeast.”

“You shut your fuckin’ mouth before I shut it for you!” You growl, your claws digging into your palms.

“ _Ye_ _s!_ ” She cackles, “I’d been wondering where that salty spite of yours had gone, I bet he’d be so _proud_ to see what you become when he’s not around to pap you back into a whimpering puddle of piss. I wonder what you would do if I happened to slip some of our more unique acquaintances in for the ‘random’ physical exams?”

“Go to hell Serket! You can do wwhat you like to the rest of those fuckin’ freaks but don’t you dare threaten Kar!”

“Oh so you can throw around the word culling all you like, but I’m not allowed to touch your precious pale-buddy? Although he’s not really _yours_ is he? And sad to say I don’t think he ever will be either, nobody will, you’ll be _all alone_ for ever and ever.”

“An’ so wwill you, nobody wwants a _bitch_ on their platform lovve.”

“You’re the bitch!”

She moves to lunge for you but a thick pair of arms hold her back, your own wrists being retrained with equal haste as you try to knock out her good eye.

“Let me _go_!” She screams, kicking out as Equius lifts her into the air, keeping her arms tight against her body.

You struggle against whoever is behind you, “Get the fuck off a me!”

“No can do brother.”

Gamzee’s voice catches you off-guard, giving him time to pick you up and shove you outside. You let out a snarl and drive your fist into a door to your right. It punches a hole straight through, leaving you with your arm half in a cleaning cupboard and dripping blood onto the floor inside. You hiss because it hurts so good, but it’s not enough; that door should have been Vriska’s face and the splinters in your knuckles should have been her fucking jaw. You pull your hand back and spin around, thumping your horns back against the wood and carving lines down it as you sink to the floor. Your head is pounding, and you know your hand should hurt but you just can’t feel it anymore over the rage bubbling inside, manifesting as a constant growl with each breath.

_No, no, no, no, no, no, NO!_

You press your palms against your temples, willing the sound to go away, to stop crackling in your chest like sparks from a fire. You hate that growl, you hate it because you can’t control it, and you hate it because it means you’re losing it, losing your grip on the already fragile sanity that your caste is born with. You can’t believe that Gamzee and Equius – _Equius_ of all Trolls – were the ones who stopped you and Vriska from killing each other. God, _fuck_ , you don’t even hate her pitch anymore, what’s _wrong_ with you?

“Hey fishbro.”

You flinch, scrabbling to your feet as Gamzee closes the door behind him and walks over. Then you growl at him because he stands right in the middle of the corridor to block your path. You’d always known that he was taller than you, but even with his shoulders hunched he’s still an intimidating hand or so above you.

“I wouldn’t be _motherfucking_ doing that if I was you.” Something about his tone is different. He still sounds calm as usual, but this is _unnerving_ , like he’s having to force it.

You gulp and take a step back, but before you can move again he’s got a hand around your throat.

“I all up and heard what you motherfuckers were saying about our fuckin’ warm-blooded companions,” He growls, pushing you back against the wall, “and if you say a _single, motherfuckin’ word of it_ again, they’re not gonna be the ones needing to watch their _fuckin’ backs_. You get me, _brother_?”

You can’t really breathe at this point, so you just nod frantically until he lets go. But you don’t dare move, only shrinking back so that you’re not coughing in his face when you choke on your first breath.

“Great, ain’t it just a motherfuckin’ miracle when we can all get along?” His voice back to normal, he grins and pats your head, then saunters of towards the exit.

You watch him go, then drop to the floor, running your fingers lightly over the bruises you can feel already forming across your neck. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. You can’t tell anyone about that, ever. You’re going to go back to your room, delete Vriska’s Chatlog from your husktop and never mention this again, to _anyone_. This has been possibly the _worst_ night of your _entire_ life, _including_ the time that Feferi broke up with you.

**Author's Note:**

> This was so cathartic to write, totally got all of my stress out by making fictional characters shout at each other. That's normal, right?
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as you can enjoy two Trolls having a petty argument ~
> 
> P.S. I apologise if anything offended you, obviously that wasn't my intention at all, but Vriska and Eridan were in the tags so *shrug* what do you expect?


End file.
